Two weeks after the unexpected passing of her close friend and fellow YouTuber Lloyd Cadena, Michelle Dy posted a vlog dedicated to him with the title “I Love You Lloyd…” last September 18, Friday.
The Pinay beauty vlogger recounted the day she found out about his death. “That day, actually I was outside doing my groceries, I was doing my errands that day. At around 2 pm, 3 pm may mga nababasa lang ako pakonti konti lang at akala ng lahat fake news. At first, sabi ko, ‘Imposible ‘to.’ Ganun muna ako. Galit na galit ako. Actually nag-cha-chat ako sa group chat namin nung mga high school friends na nagagalit ako sa mga taong nag-di-disseminate ng mga ganyan kasi I thought it was fake. I thought it wasn’t real. Dahil hindi ako maka-focus mag-grocery dahil nga dun. Meron din akong konting kaba even though I was denying it na baka fake news lang ‘to at galit ako sa mga taong nag-fe-fake news. Pero may something na hindi ako kumportable about it.
“On the way home, ang una kong tinawagan yung cellphone niya. Nag-ri-ring pero walang sumasagot. Siga sabi ko baka busy lang ‘to. After that tinawagan ko si Madam Ely (Lloyd’s best friend and manager). Nag-ring pero biglang naging busy. So at least I safely got home and I’m inside the comfort of my home. Siyempre nag-ba-browse na ako through the internet and then nagbabasa ako and marami pa ring nagtatanong sa akin if it was true. Sa totoo lang wala din akong sagot nung mga panahon na yun kasi hindi ko din alam. Wala akong alam,” she recalled.
On the day that Lloyd passed away, Michelle also went viral for the video she posted on social media of her drinking wine alone in her home while crying and listening to Lloyd’s favorite singer Mariah Carey. “It felt like I lost my legs. Ganun yung feeling. It felt like yung parang may nahulog sa akin, may gumanun sa akin, it felt like I lost something in my body. I was screaming. I was in disbelief. Lahat siguro ng klase ng feeling nararamdaman ko na. The one thing that was on my mind is, ‘Why?’ I was asking God why. That was the only thing that was coming out of my mouth at that time. Why.
“Actually at that time sobrang sakit na ng mukha ko. I couldn’t stop crying. Gusto ko naman tumigil umiyak pero lumalabas talaga. Hindi ko ma-control yung mata ko, hindi ko ma-control yung sarili ko. Uncontrollable talaga yung emotions ko that night. I think hindi pa nga yata kaya kumain tapos umiinom na ako ng wine.”
After taking some time to recover and take a break from work, Michelle thanked those who sent her messages of support and love during the past week. She admitted that making a vlog while talking about Lloyd was making her emotional again. “I am okay but not 100%. You can never be 100% okay. I think yun yung struggle ng anyone who loves Lloyd or who was with Lloyd. Before kasi parang for me I want to be okay and I want to continue with life but parang I feel guilty of smiling all the way or I feel guilty of being 100% happy when we all know that we lost someone, parang ganun. I think yun yung sobrang struggle ko. That’s why I thought of giving myself a little bit of time, rest from work, from everything. Yung no guilt rest. Kasi I thought it would at least make me feel better. But now that I’m doing this, mukhang na-relive lahat ng feelings from when it happened. For sure alam naman ng lahat kasi obvious na obvious naman, kumbaga hindi naman tago na sobra niyang buting tao,” she shared.
Michelle reveals the biggest life lesson she learned from her friendship with Lloyd. “Ang sobrang tumatak sa akin na nakuha ko kay Lloyd yung sobrang humility niya. Si Lloyd yung tipong tao na sa sobrang humble niya, yung mapapa-humble ka din, yung ganun. Yung sa sobrang mapagkumbaba niyang tao, pati ikaw matututo kang mapagkumbaba kasi mahihiya ka sa sarili mo kung hindi ka magiging humble or hindi ka magpakakumbaba. Yun yung sobrang natutunan ko sa kanya nung naging friend ko siya or naging parte siya ng buhay ko. To humble myself kasi I have this person who is greater than me, who is bigger than me, eh sobrang humble. Hinding hindi ko siguro makakalimutan or hindi mawawala sa akin. It will humble me for the rest of my life,” she said.
Although she and Lloyd last saw each other during her birthday last March, Michelle said they remained the closest of friends and were each other’s number one defender. “Minsan nagkikita rin kami na nag-wa-wine kami. So nag-ku-kuwentuhan kami niyan. Mga deep conversation naman, kumusta kung anong meron, anong hanash. Alam niya lahat yung mga nangyari sa buhay ko kasi kinukuwento ko sa kanya lahat. Lagi niya akong rini-rescue. Alam niya kasi niya yung kung ano yung nangyayari. Alam niya yung the truth about everything.
“Siguro hindi alam ng nakararami na sobrang laki ng respeto namin sa isa’t isa. I think hindi alam ng nakararami na sobrang pino-protektahan namin ang isa’t isa. But I think he was more protective of me than I was with him. He would always, always protect me and he would make sure that he would be there for me in times of need and he was very vocal about it online, offline. Pareho kami ni Lloyd na lapitin ng mga issues, yung mga pang-ba-bash, mga ganyan. We made each other feel that we have each other’s backs,” she added.
The popular YouTuber also paid tribute to the larger than life presence of her friend. “Si Lloyd yung tipo ng tao na kapag dumating siya sa isang lugar, he will unintentionally steal the show. He has that kind of vibe, he has that kind of energy and aura na when he enters a room, he will make you feel that he has arrived. That’s the kind of energy that he has. That’s really how he is as a human being. Meron siyang arrive. Ang laki kasi ng energy ni Lloyd eh.
“Lloyd has always been very, very passionate about his work. He has always been a master of his craft so he knows that he will never stop doing it because it’s his passion,” she said.
Watch the vlog here:
Lloyd Cafe Cadena passed away on September 4, 2020.