Jim Bacarro writes about emotional journey to fatherhood

Jim Bacarro opened up on his journey to fatherhood with wife Saab Magalona in a recent Instagram post.
 
He posted photos of their son Pancho and his twin, their late daughter Luna as he wrote about the challenges and struggles he and Saab faced early in their family life.
 
He shared that his road to fatherhood 'wasn't conventional', losing a daughter early on and having no time to grieve because his son was in two ICUs. 
 
"But somehow, each time I entered one of those rooms, Saab and Pancho would give me a burst of hope. I’d come in, Saab would be smiling, just happy to see me while Pancho would do little things to show he was fighting—a little kick, smirk or yawn would make my day."
 
Jim wrote about how it was beyond their capacities to deal with such a trial and how he still found God in Pancho, Saab, and the doctors that helped them get through it.
 
"I learned what it meant to be a father the moment I held my daughter, and had to let her go. It’s not your typical story of parenthood, but Saab and I are beyond convention and that’s our story."
 

 

My path to fatherhood wasn’t the most conventional to say the least. We spent more than 2 months in the hospital. After losing our daughter Luna, I didn’t even have time to grieve. I would go between 2 ICUs to see Saab and Pancho. It was a series of tests and “today this is the problem, and we’re not sure what it is, and not sure what to do.” No answers and no proposed solutions. But somehow, each time I entered one of those rooms, Saab and Pancho would give me a burst of hope. I’d come in, Saab would be smiling, just happy to see me while Pancho would do little things to show he was fighting—a little kick, smirk or yawn would make my day. Nothing about this was normal. It was beyond our capacity as humans to deal with such a trial. For so long I wondered where God is in all of this: in tragedy, evil and suffering. I found him there—that somehow Saab and I could manage to kiss each other, smile at each other and comfort one another amidst this. I see him through Pancho. I found God in our parents, siblings and friends who embraced us, wept with us and prayed with us. I found God in kind doctors like Dr. Gap Legaspi who gave us hope. I saw God in all the hard working nurses that went beyond their duty and loved Saab and Pancho. I found God in forgiving those who may have caused this. I learned what it meant to be a father the moment I held my daughter, and had to let her go. It’s not your typical story of parenthood, but Saab and I are beyond convention and that’s our story.

A post shared by Jim Bacarro (@jimbacarro) on May 8, 2018 at 6:28pm PDT