“Nawawala ako.” ‘yan dalawang salitang yan ang unang binitawan ni Billy Crawford sa kanyang exclusive live interview kay Boy Abunda sa The Buzz nitong Linggo ng hapon. Nag-break down si Billy at napaiyak nang tanungin kung ano na ang status ng relasyon nila ng aktres na si Nikki Gil. “I’m very lost. Very confused. Walang kinalaman si Nikki. It all boils down to me. It’s an indescribable feeling. All this negativity and confusion. The sadness. The hurt. Nikki has not been anything but good to me. Everything I said there (VTR) a while ago is a dream come true, when it comes to finding the right one. But it’s hard to find the right one kung ikaw mismo you are not right. And, it’s been a while I think. I don’t know who to blame,” sabi ni Billy.
Nilinaw ni Billy na walang kasalanan si Nikki sa kanilang paghihiwalay. “Lahat ng tao kasi nakikita nila ako. Masayahin. Matulungin. I try to do everything that I can for every one to be happy specially the people around me. People that I love. And I forgot what makes me happy. I forgot who I am. I don’t know what I’m doing and all I know what to do is work. It’s been almost 26 years, I’m in this industry. I’ve been everywhere. And this is the first time I have felt this way. That’s why I ask everyone to not blame Nikki. She has no fault. I’m not a perfect guy. I’m not a perfect person. I’ve done some things in my life that I regret And she supported me. She understood. She was there. But I tend to go home by myself. It’s so simple kasi to go around with friends, you know, and to enjoy and forget about the problems, whatever you’re going through, specially pag may naririnig kang problema na pinagdadaanan ng mga kaibigan mo. Sobrang daling makalimutan kung ano yung root, ano yung problema. Nakalimutan ko, ako eh. I’m the one who’s completely lost and I’m searching. I asked her this, you know, give me the chance to find myself. That’s very different. Yeah. I tend to hurt and I tend to hurt her. I really don’t want to do this interview for sympathy. I don’t want everybody to feel bad for me. I mean, what ever happens, happens.”
Noong una daw ay walang balak si Billy na magsalita tungkol sa kanilang break up. Pero dahil nakatakda siyang umalis para sa US sa August 3 naisip niyang huwag iwanan ang issue na nakabukas sa publiko. “I really didn’t want to. One is that I needed to stop everyone from talking on our behalf. And I’m gonna leave Aug 3. And I’m gonna go back to my family. That’s why I’m here because I didn’t want to just leave and say anything and for everybody to attack her. And for everybody to speculate whatever. But I think all I could pray for, for some reason, I need to be with my mom and dad. I have to start from scratch. Where did I come from, I came from my parents, I need to try to find what was making me happy before. Who was I and I just want to be with my family.”
Nang tanungin ni Boy ng diretso si Billy kung bakit sila naghiwalay ni Nikki, sinabi ng singer/host na hindi na siya masaya sa kanyang sarili. “ Honestly Tito Boy, it’s so hard to love someone and to continue on if I don’t even love myself. If I ‘m unhappy. I can’t force her to be a certain person that I want her to be. And it’s vice versa. She wasn’t able to force me being someone that she thought I am. So I think sa akin lang, it’s so hard because even ako mismo Tito Boy, that’s why I am searching because I just don’t know... It’s so simple to say na yeah you outgrew each other. It’s four and a half years of, to me, beautiful memories,” malungkot na sabi ni Billy.
Dagdag pa ni Billy hindi naman siya nag-fall out of love at sa katunayan ay mahal pa daw niya si Nikki pero may mga bagay na dapat siyang gawin para sa kanyang sarili. “I just fell out off the face of the earth. People see me everyday but they don’t see me when I’m home. I love her. I still do. But it’s unfair to continue if I’m the one…I didn’t want to continue to hurt her because I became distant. And I don’t want to continue to hurt her if I continue with this relationship. In the long run, hindi na kami magkakatugma eh. We don’t see eye to eye on things. We are not on the same page.”
Hindi man daw sila nakakapag-usap ng masinsinan ni Nikki nagkaroon naman daw sila ng pormal na pagpapaalam sa isa’t isa. Ni-reveal din ni Billy na ipinaglaban pa ni Nikki ang kanilang relasyon. “Tito Boy to be honest with you, she fought. She fought. I tried. But she really stuck it out I have to admit. And I’m admitting this because I respect her. I just wasn’t there. I wasn’t myself.” Sinabi din niya na walang third party involved sa break up nila. “Tito Boy mahirap naman na maintindihan ng isang tao yun eh. I mean as I was saying a while ago, if it was another story, if I was seeing someone else or if she was seeing someone else and it was a mess, it would have been easier to say, yes it’s my fault… It’s so much simpler if it was like that.”
Inamin ni Billy na napagusapan na din nila ni Nikki ang kasal to the point na pati ninong, ninang at mga best man ay alam na nila.
Para naman sa kanilang avid supporters ay humingi ng paumahin si Billy sa mga pangyayari. “Pasensya na kayo ah. Sa lahat din ng sumuporta sa relationship naming ni Nikki, I think I could say, from the both of us, we really thank you. Cause they give us strength. But I’m sorry, I really apologize to everyone who thought, it’s really pressuring to be honest with you, na you’re perceived as one of the most looked-up couples, ideal couples in the industry. Mahirap i-continue and I wanna say I’m sorry. I apologize.”
Sa huli, sinabi ni Billy na feeling niya masama siyang tao sa mga nangyayari pero magiging mas masama siya if patuloy niyang saksaktan si Nikki. Sana din daw ay maintindihan ni Nikki ang mga bagay-bagay balang araw. “I feel like such a bad person. Honestly, I feel like, sometimes I feel like I’m not good enough. But I learned that importante pala na mahanap mo yung sarili mo muna, mas I think, kung maligaya ka, mas madaling magpaligaya ng ibang tao. And hindi ko siya, yung latter part ng relationship, hindi ko siya napaligaya, nasaktan ko siya. And she’s an amazing person Tito Boy.”
Hindi daw masasabi ni Billy kung dito na nga matatapos ang kwento ng pag-ibig nila ni Nikki at Diyos lang daw ang nakakaalam. At ang kanyang tanging dasal sa kanyang sitwasyon ay, “Save me. I feel like the devil’s really strong. I feel defeated. All I can ask for is forgiveness and just save me.”